I am having withdrawls from her being that constant comfort every single day. I wish I got videos of her towards the end.
I have cried for at least the last 6 months knowing she'll be gone soon - anticapatory grief they call it.
I had hoped crying so much before she left would make it easier when she's gone. but no - I feel worse.
Heart ripped to pieces worse.

Last week Flow had a burst of energy and we had a beautiful day at a few beaches. I now realize that was what they call a "Death rally" that final burst of energy when they've finally given in.

I find comfort in signs - I know not everyone believes in signs. But each afternoon I have been
finding myself sitting outside on our deck - not long before the sun starts going down and is just peaking through the trees.
I've been using this time to just sit, and cry.
Last night after a day of cloud the sun broke through the trees strongly and I spotted a feather on the deck at the spot she would normally get herself up from the grass . It was a Tui feather ( A native New Zealand bird), we've found a few before but unlike the
others this one had a white tip on the end. Flow's tail had a white tip.

https://imgur.com/a/dbpFRVY

So there it is, I find solace in the signs when the rest of me is being churned; a constant motion with
no place to call home.

Are you going through the same thing? HUGS!!!